7 posts tagged “family”
Most of the family was in Pietermaritzburg two weekends ago. We had a memorial service for Jashwin at the Moosa road house on 15th August. A celebration of his life. It is hard to believe that a year has passed already. So much has happened since then, especially for me.
It has been a couple days now since the funeral. I have been wanting to write about it but every time I start... I can't get myself going. My heart feels heavy, I can't imagine what it feels like for Jow, Sha, Shahan, Shameme...
*here's me stalling again, I am going to get some breakfast*
Okay I'm back. We left JHB at about 5:30pm and arrived in Pietermaritzburg on Saturday night at around 9:30pm, went straight to Uncle Jash's home. There were people there that I knew and people that I didn't know. Got ushered to his bedroom where they lay his body after finding him. The sadness and feeling of loss in the room was... ... I cried... we all cried... Shahan just held his dad and cried... My gran was there, devastated, her eldest son died before her. He was so thin, just skin and bone. The funeral parlour collected the body at 10pm. During the next hour or two people recounted their stories. Raj told us how he scaled the gate with his ladder, kicked the front door down to get to Jash who was out on the kitchen floor facedown. It may have been an hour before Raj got to him that he died.
The following day we re-convened at the house. People were in and out paying their respects to the family. At funerals despite the grieving and sadness and loss, there always tends be reunions with family members that have not seen each other since the last funeral or wedding, aunts and uncles that only remember you as a child. Out of respect I had left my camera at home, but now that I think about it I should have had it there... for those moments standing outside in the cold, in a circle smoking chatting, recounting tales of Jashwin, the family, back-in-the-day stories and times.
Shameme mentioned that I should have had it and when I told her my reasons for leaving it behind she said that we are not a conventional family. She is right.
My generation and even my parent's generation have lost their traditions, their religion. No one really had an inkling of what should have been done for the funeral, the prayers, the hawans. There were others in the extended family and some of the older generation that guided us along. Come to think of it though, considering that my parent's generation, Jashwin, us are not and were not religious and we should have created it the way he may have wanted it. In some way we did. On the day of the funeral when the body was brought back to the home, inbetween the old aunties singing their hindi bhajans and prayers, the children played their dad's favourite Crosby, Stills & Nash song to a photo slideshow of Jash and his family. On the spur of the moment, Shahan played guitar while Shahir sang a song to their father (which completely brought everyone to tears more than the prayers and hindi songs that were meaningless to us). Jash sure did love his music.
Jash's body was then taken to the Arya Samaj hall in Khan Road for the public funeral service. The hall was packed. Jow'hara and Shahir did the eulogy. One of Jash's colleagues from Tiger brands also said a few words to the congregation. There was a senior member of the indian community who also spoke (he spoke almost vehemently in Hindi and most of us did not understand a word and wondered what the hell he was going on about). The pandit did her prayers and had everyone reciting mantras after her (words which I did not understand, words which were meaningless to me).
From the hall to the crematorium on Greytown road across from Northdale hospital. The last time I was there was for my Dada's funeral (my dad's father) in 1998. More mantras, more people paying their last respects. A prayer from Shahan to his father which had everyone in tears. The small back-room of the crematorium for only the immediate family. Not too long ago only men were allowed at the crematorium. The lid of the coffin is removed, one last goodbye to Jashwin. His face is respectfully covered with a cloth. One last ritual and prayer. Rose petals and prayer mix. Camphor is lit and put in the coffin on different parts of his body. The coffin is pushed into the furnace. The furnace door is closed.
1st January 2008 was spent at the beach near Tongaat north of Durban. It was an incredibly hot day but thankfully there was a breeze and we had shelter from the sun.
I was supposed to be driving up to JHB today but at 2am this morning after trying to fall asleep without any luck, I decided to extend my stay in KZN. So far the family has been getting along fine and it has been a fairly pleasant visit.
My sister left this morning, most of her belongings in tow to start a new chapter of her life in JHB with her boyfriend and a new job. This means that I have been upgraded to the penthouse suite... he he. Ahhhh, air-con... it is wonderful.
My brother the fitness personal trainer has started me on a fitness plan which so far has been great. He is excellent at this.
Been visiting with my grandmothers, trying to coax their fast fading memories about our family history, our ancestors. One find was that my great great great grandfather was a white dude on my mother's mother's (father's side - I think) *shock horror!* Explains the freckles.
Here is a pretty picture from my day at the beach. There are more on my Flickr site.
Being in Pietermaritzburg for the last 2 weeks has left me without much to blog about or maybe it is I'm just not trying. But I am choosing to go with the effect that PMB aka Sleepy Hollow does to a person's enthusiasm for life. The town is chilled, peaceful, relaxed (great place to be to clear your head) and more or less just closes down after 6pm. There's maybe 2 decent clubs to go to. Recently, "The Mall" was opened which finally attracted the attention of some of the bigger bar/restuarant chains.
Since being here I've not carried out any of my plans to be doing something interesting every other day. Just has not happened. Admittedly the heat combined with the humidity during the day has been intense. You end up moving very slowly,sluggishly almost, trying hard not to cause the sweating which started before you woke up to get worse. So, I've been reading, taking photographs, swimming, playing table tennis and also learning to play poker.
Spending time with my family has been great.
Wait, it is New Year's Eve today. This year has been filled with mixed emotions, life changing events and experiences. I've met some incredible, interesting, wonderful, talented and passionate people in London which I am so grateful for. I feel sad when I think about this year of 2006 being over, somewhat anxious, excited and a little scared looking forward to tomorrow. Sad because I have to say goodbye to the first quarter of my life of which contained some of the happiest memories of my young life.
I look forward to creating new happy moments, experiences with... with... I don't know... it is a surprise really. Hope this next quarter sees me starting my own family.
Peace
Love
Joy
and Light
I apologise for not posting as much since I moved over to the vox site. The flight back home was pretty awful, but just glad I got to SA safe. Danielle my lovely was waiting for me at the airport. The bags took about 40min to come through and then I literally raced through customs with an official chasing after me for my form.
Spent the rest of the week wondering around enjoying the sunny days and not having anywhere or anything to do in particular. JHB is reasonably quiet in December as everyone migrates to the coast. Initially I did feel somewhat disoriented, not knowing if this is where I should be and also feeling sad for leaving London.
But now I am glad I'm here and know I made the right decision to come back, if only for the holidays. Have not decided when I am returning to London.
Rish and Lee drove up from PMB/DBN to pick me up and bring me home. Sweet sweet beautiful friends. They arrived Saturday afternoon and we had a picnic in the garden enjoying the sun, the grass, the delicious champagne and food that Danielle put together and of course each other's company.
Hope all is well wherever you may be.
i am ready to stop living in the past of my happy memories and am ready to move forward, to meet new people and to make new happy memories.
i have a ticket to come home in December. I am so excited, been daydreaming about the sun, warmth, clean air, the beach and mostly my mom's food.
I am craving the love and togetherness and human touch of the people I love and care for. Honestly I have also been anxious about the thought of facing my demons, that all the ill-feelings of my breakup months are going to hit me hard. Figure I have to face it at some stage.
And I can't wait to make new memories, good memories to bring back with me to London.
looking forward to spending some time with any of those who will be around in December/January.
